When we or a loved one is faced with an unexpected and profound health diagnosis depression and despair often isn’t far behind, but there are some things we can do to help cope with a tragedy like this.
When I was a teenager my mother once complained about a bump she could feel inside her arm. It was misdiagnosed as a spider bite, and in less than a year she succumbed to cancer. In her final months, she gave up – opting only to do things that were medically necessary to avoid pain and started smoking again. For almost 30 years it bothered me deeply because I felt she should have fought until the end. She was after all a single mother with two children, and both my sister and I suffered greatly after her passing.
Today I have a much different view of her death. While she was a devout Catholic, many of her actions at the sunset of her life reflected some of the teachings of Buddha.
For instance, she started living in the present. Her decision to do things to help her in the moment such as taking only the medicine that was necessary for pain and smoking again allowed her to focus on what was happening then, and not what led up to that moment, and what was about to come. One could argue that this was a selfish decision, but with limited time left she decided to put herself first. This was her way of accepting her impermanence.
Another way she coped was by seeking wisdom. She had seen so many doctors and specialists and brought home tons of brochures, and pamphlets, on everything from the type of cancer she had to the medical imaging equipment used to diagnose her, to treatment plans and medications. She knew everything she possibly could about her condition which allowed her to make decisions confidently while fully knowing the options she had left.
Many things have changed in the thirty years since my mother’s death, and while the Buddha himself did not directly address modern medical diagnoses, his teachings offer profound insights that can be applied to coping with an unexpected health diagnosis. Here are several principles derived from Buddhism that might be recommended:
- Acceptance of Impermanence (Anicca): The Buddha taught that all aspects of existence are impermanent. Recognizing and accepting the impermanent nature of our health and physical bodies can help us cope with unexpected changes, including health diagnoses.
- Understanding Suffering (Dukkha): Buddhism teaches that suffering is a part of life. An unexpected health diagnosis can be seen as a form of suffering. By understanding that suffering is universal, one can cultivate compassion for oneself and others, easing the mental burden.
- Mindfulness and Presence: Practicing mindfulness can help manage the stress and anxiety associated with health issues. Being present with one’s feelings and experiences without judgment can provide emotional relief and clarity.
- Compassionate Action: Compassion towards oneself and others is central to Buddhist practice. Taking compassionate action can mean seeking appropriate medical treatment, following doctors’ advice, and also being kind to oneself through the process.
- Detachment from Identification with the Body: While caring for the body, Buddhism also teaches not to overly identify with the physical form. This perspective can help mitigate fear and anxiety by reminding us that our true essence is not solely defined by our physical condition.
- Cultivating a Supportive Community (Sangha): Engaging with a supportive community can provide emotional and spiritual support. Sharing experiences with others who understand can be deeply comforting.
- Meditation and Prayer: Regular meditation or prayer can be a source of strength and peace. Practices that cultivate loving-kindness (metta) and equanimity (upekkha) are particularly beneficial for facing health challenges with grace and resilience.
- Reflection on Life’s Priorities: An unexpected diagnosis can serve as a catalyst for reflecting on what’s truly important in life. This can be an opportunity to align one’s actions more closely with one’s values and to live more intentionally.
- Seeking Wisdom: The Buddha encouraged the pursuit of wisdom. In the context of a health diagnosis, this might mean educating oneself about the condition, understanding treatment options, and making informed decisions.
