I lost my mother to cancer around the holidays when I was just 13, and it took me almost 30 years to come to terms with it. I was not only miserable myself but often caused misery to those around me as well. Seeking professional help was a step I took, and I strongly recommend it to anyone grappling with the loss of a loved one. Therapy helped me cope, but it was mindfulness and Zen principles that truly guided me towards acceptance and moving on. Now, I can say I’m much happier. Although I’m occasionally reminded of this tragedy from my youth, it no longer affects the quality of my life.
Here are some Zen practices that supplemented my professional help and might benefit you or someone you care about:
- Embrace Impermanence: I learned to understand that everything in life is transient, which helped me accept my loss as a natural part of existence.
- Mindfulness and Presence: Practicing mindfulness allowed me to fully experience my grief without judgment, being present with all my emotions, whether sadness, anger, or confusion.
- Meditation: Regular meditation became a source of comfort and stability for me, calming my mind and helping me find inner peace, even amidst the pain of loss.
- Compassion Towards Self and Others: I learned the importance of self-compassion during this time. Grief is a process, and it’s crucial to give oneself space and time to go through it.
- Finding the Essence: Reflecting on the essence of my mother, rather than her physical absence, brought me comfort. In Zen, the spirit or essence of a person is seen as enduring.
- Connecting with Nature: Being in nature was healing for me, offering a sense of continuity and renewal.
- Reading and Reflection: Reading Zen texts and poetry offered me solace and new perspectives on life and death.
- Accepting the Continuity of Life: Finally, embracing the Zen teaching that life and death are part of the same continuum led me to a deeper understanding and acceptance of life’s cycle.
