“You’re the average of the five people you hang around most.” This is one of the most important things to consider in having a life with limited suffering. I first heard this quote in the early 1990s on a cassette by legendary motivational speaker Zig Ziglar. I always felt its importance because the people you hang around with really do influence you regardless if they are good or bad people.
Verse 61 of the Dhammapada is similar. It reads:
“If a person seeking a companion cannot find one who is better than or equal to him, let him resolutely go on alone; there can be no companionship with a fool.”
This verse highlights the importance of discernment in choosing companions or associates. It suggests that it’s better to be alone than to associate with those who do not bring positive value or growth to your life. Here’s how you can interpret and apply this in your personal life:
- Value Quality Over Quantity in Relationships: Prioritize meaningful and growth-oriented relationships over simply having many acquaintances or friends.
- Seek Positive Influences: Surround yourself with people who inspire you, push you towards growth, and share your values. This can lead to a more fulfilling and enriching life.
- Embrace Solitude When Necessary: Don’t fear being alone. Sometimes solitude is a valuable state that allows for self-reflection, growth, and personal development.
- Avoid Negative Influences: Steer clear of relationships that are detrimental to your well-being, that encourage negative habits, or that don’t respect your values.
- Be Selective in Partnerships: Whether in business, friendship, or romantic relationships, choose partners who are compatible with your goals and values.
- Self-Improvement: Strive to be a person who others would seek as a positive companion. Engage in continuous self-improvement and personal growth.
- Respect Your Own Values: Stay true to your principles and values, even if it means going against the crowd or being on your own for a period.
- Understand the Value of Each Relationship: Recognize that every relationship has something to teach, whether it’s a positive example or a lesson in what to avoid.
In essence, this verse encourages discernment in relationships and underscores the importance of self-respect and personal growth. Take a moment to consider your friends and even your family. Do the people you hang around with enrich you? Are they a positive force? Or are the negative, and apt to influence you or involve you in bad decisions?
